Resentment

I was reading some the of the sweet comments I’ve received on my posts and thinking about my Mercedes-loving friend, and I realized that I am resentful of the things I’ve given up to be a SAHM. I know I’m doing the right thing, but I would like a new car or a bigger house (or cable).

I wish the people who tell me how lucky I am to “be able” to stay home saw that. I wish they saw how much we don’t have; that it’s not easy. I don’t want to feel this way; I don’t want to be resentful. I believe what I’m doing is biblical. Curly Haired Husband is completely supportive, even though he’s having to work overtime and he’s had to give up things I know he wants (cable, anyone?). My family and inlaws are supportive. But I still feel somewhat resentful.

I’m trying to find the joy in homemaking, but our society in general belittles it. I guess I’m used to getting “rewarded” for a job well done: a promotion, a raise, a good grade. Those things aren’t coming for the SAHM. My final project won’t be complete for some time.

When I’m feeling the most resentful (usually when I’ve just run into a well-dressed friend with an SUV and a working dishwasher), I try to think about what it would be like to drop Curly Haired Baby off at daycare. Or worse, what it would be like without her at all. My mom has a good friend who has all the expensive toys: luxury cars, a beach house, ability to travel, money in the bank. But she has no children, by choice. Yet she can’t even look at photos of Curly Haired Baby without getting upset at what she gave up.  That’s what I need to remember.

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Published in: on March 21, 2008 at 10:09 pm  Leave a Comment  

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